Secondary Loss

I eluded to this in a previous posting; the feelings of loss everytime a new event happens in your life, but I found this and wanted to share it.

Secondary Losses
As the initial shock of death fades, it is common for the bereaved to slip into depression or feel panic. When a parent dies, you eventually experience what are known as secondary losses.

Not only have you lost a parent; in a way, you may feel you have also lost a part of your past. Your parent may have been a trusted adviser, role model, or your closest friend. It is not unusual for adults to seek a parent’s advice before they make large purchases or investments — after all, they have years of experience upon which to draw. Was your parent an advisor on child-rearing, relationships, cooking, and health? Perhaps your parents’ home was the place for family gatherings. Without your parent to fulfill all these roles, you may suddenly feel very alone.

Even if you were quite independent from your parents, you may still experience forms of secondary loss. Perhaps you hoped he/she would have lived to see you achieve an educational degree, a career or business goal, athletic accomplishment, your marriage, and their grandchildren. Their death may have preceded your marriage or the birth of your children. A parent’s absence from these important milestones is a form of secondary loss — a part of the grieving process.

The death of a parent often brings on a sense of one’s own mortality. You may become haunted by feelings of “I’m next,” especially as your generation becomes the oldest in your family line.

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While I haven't felt the "I'm next" part, the rest of this really resonated with me.